On February and Zen-like questions...

IT'S MARCH!!!  HURRAY!  As many of you are aware, February 2011 was not a good month for me.  To be honest, I was prepared for it; I've never liked February.  It's a terrible month that, though short, colors many of my perceptions of the beginning of the year.  February 2nd is my birthday as well as Groundhog Day, February 14th is Valentine's day*, my mom's birthday falls on the 28th** and the whole month is punctuated by bad weather and grey skies. Aside from that, February (which I will henceforth call the second month) seems to be my least lucky month annually.  It's where I've had the most heartbreak, financial trouble and all around bad luck.

This year, I got bitten by a dog the Monday after my birthday.  A local pit bull and two of his buddies were roaming the streets of my neighborhood when I happened upon them.  I didn't think much of it, as I've been around dogs a lot in my life and have had very few negative experiences in doing so.  However, the pit bull apparently had other ideas as it locked on to my left calf, tore my pants and pulled me to the ground, where I skinned my right knee.  One doctor trip later and I got my first tetanus shot in years along with the realization that having your wounds cleaned isn't so bad; It's the freezing cold distilled water they use to rinse it off that REALLY sucks.

As a side note, the dog was NOT, to the best of my knowledge, put down.  It is not the animal's fault and I hope it doesn't happen again, though I am now carrying pepper spray just in case.  I actually think they were rather lucky, had it gotten out an hour or two before it bit me, it would have had school children to seek out... frightening prospect.

The Saturday after that, I was playing a trivia game with my mom when a hot water main under my sink blew off it's valve.  It soaked my laminate kitchen floor and warped several of the panels, so that's getting replaced soon.  Hopefully, the replacement process goes smoothly, now that we're out of the second month and drying ourselves off.  Other minor little things happened too, like my debit card being locked for a while because I made a four dollar internet purchase, but these things happen and aren't what we call "disastrous."

Hopefully next year will go better.  I'm not a superstitious person by nature but, in the face of the evidence, it's hard to remain a skeptic.  So I decided to find something I could rip apart form a purely semantic point of view and for some reason, I fell upon some of the so called "zen questions" everyone seems to think promote wisdom in others.  I'm going to tear these down to help me feel better about reality.  My reason for such an attack is that such thoughts promote sloppy, non-critical thinking, in my view, and can lead to people believing in things that are not the case.  See if you agree with my conclusions.

If a tree falls in a wood and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Trees.  Inna forest.  Honest.

Of course it does.  Saying that it doesn't flies in the face of accepted scientific principles.  That's like suggesting that an animal you find dead in the road didn't actually die.  Sound isn't something that requires our ears to be present to happen.  Sounds is what happens when several hundred pounds of wood impacts the ground at speed or when twigs break on the way down or when a trunk snaps in two due to age and wear.  The movement causes disturbances in the air that we refer to as "sound waves."  Whether or not we're there to witness it is irrelevant, it still happens, just like volcanoes on deserted islands still happen.  If you want to say a tree that falls in the wood DOESN'T make a sound, you need to provide evidence of a completely silent tree falling.  I don't hear anyone coming forw.... let's move on.

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

Cl-... or if it's a right hand, -ap...

This is a false premise, first of all.  A "clap" is the action of bringing two hands together.  Therefore, the sound of one hand clapping is a contradiction in terms, like saying, "What is the sound of no feet stomping?"  However, let's take it at it's word(s).  The sound of one hand clapping is either the sound of one hand waving through the air, searching for a second hand that isn't there and causing the clapee to look fairly stupid*** or it is whatever the sound of curling your hand so that the finger tips impact the palm fast enough to produce a sound (perhaps "-ap" or "cl-"...?).  Proven by philosopher/skateboarder Bart Simpson.

Could God make a boulder so big that He, Himself, could not move it?

One helluva big rock

Whoa man... you just blew my mind...  This is one of those questions that pot heads ask each other and, therefore, a kind of modern zen.  Let's start off by saying this is another false premise (ie, there is no God), but that's not an answer, that's just my world view.  Answering this one on it's own terms depends entirely on your definition of the being commonly known as "God," which may or may not be an omniscient, omnipresent, omnicapable being.  If He/She/It is those things though, "God" can make a boulder He/She/It cannot move if, and only if, He/She/It sets out to do so.  He/She/It cannot make it by accident, it has to be the goal from the beginning.  Otherwise, He/She/It wouldn't pass the test of being  omnicapable (a word I probably made up to describe something capable of everything, even stumping him/her/itself).

Hurray!  Another blog completed as we March on.  Get it?  'Cause it's March and... oh, you got it?  Ok...  Anyway, feel free to comment/call me an idiot/start a debate below.

*And I don't care if you're in a relationship or not, Valentine's blows.  For single people it's a painful reminder of something they don't have and for people in relationships, it's a pressure filled day that makes you long for the days you weren't in a relationship.  If you're in a relationship AND enjoy Valentine's, you're not the person who it pressures.

**Celebrating her 29th birthday for over two decades now!  Love ya, Mom.

***For examples of this see Joe Cocker, Performance Style of.